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  had a table today where some very adorable children kept asking me if i was a boy or a girl and did i know that boys who wear black lipstick are making people sad (?) etc etc etc for forty five christian minutes while i was essentially trying to train three servers and take several other tables of my own and i am just absolutely fucking over it

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  horoscopes would be a lot more useful if they were like "you're going to need batteries from the store. C batteries and coin cells. either CR2025 or 2032, you'll know which when the time is right"

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  the criterion closet is the closet i stuff you in until you meet my criteria

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  i didn't think it would be so controversial to download high quality recordings from torrent sites but i'm taking a lot of flac

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  any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind. and therefore never send to know for whom the jerk store calls; they're all out of thee

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  the nazis were fucking tacky and i'm tired of pretending they weren't

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  holding a press conference to announce that i, triz, am closing the drake passage to all shipping. it's closed, and you can't have it, and also i am going to take a big cut of all the shipments that go through it, because it's closed. i am also going to force chile, argentina, and antarctica to open it, we're in peace talks, i just spoke with the president of antarctica, lovely man, very put together, central casting, always wears a tuxedo, but i'm going to win and the strait...

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  mitch mcconnell is recovering well at home. please don't investigate further. the a/c is on and he is eating his favourite leaves and small insects

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  i don't want to hear a peep out of any of you about who the guy in the binface suit is or in what british comedian bog standard ways he may turn out to be problematic. this is like a camping hot dog, there's some things you just enjoy and don't question too much

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  hell yeah i'm drinking bag-in-box margaritas out of a pink ombre glass that says BRUNCH SQUAD. keep scrollin

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  deeply fucked that there's no amtrak station in hamtramck

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  "centre"-right parties love to get baited by their quiet-part-loud coalition partners into sticking their dick in a spinning blender. it keeps happening

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  please do not conflate me with other patricias online, it could go very poorly for me

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  the question is what are they going to call the referendum? albexit? berxit perhaps?

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  the thing is that dialectics are good, but they are also bad, and therefore perhaps also a secret third thing

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  my calais girlfriend, trained on $100,000 of imported sex arses,

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  xanga? i hardly

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  it's one hard drive full of hentai, michael. how much can it cost, $100,000?

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  DOCTOR HARDMAN: spit it out, new guy, what do we have DR. FLOPSWEAT LICKSPITTLE: elderly patient in her mid-30's presenting with acute chyron in her lower third. iv is thready, pulse is thoracic, and we've already given her 10 cc's of stat HARDMAN (jaw set): give her. the good drug ADMINISTRATOR PENNYWHISTLE: i thought i told you we can't afford good drug. give your patients bad drug or i'll hang your scrubs from the highest yardarm HARDMAN: lickspittl...

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  studio exec: ok george, we have a senator character who runs on a progressive platform but then votes to put his constituents in chains and force them to build cooling towers for the ai megamind. what should we name him george lucas: john fetters-man 😎

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  i could walk down the grain and not be sucked into an air pocket and immobilized. it would be easy for me

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  i would like to take back all the times i said stuff like flying or invisibility to answer the question "what superpower would you have, if you could choose exactly one?" instead i wish i could write a song with the same blend of nostalgia, yearning, hope and wistful despair as john k. samson

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  tesse gave me a new mug lol

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  i assure you that i am making every effort to contact jackdaw and measure his office for new curtains

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  the number one thing that should give anyone pause in re ai for businesses is this: alice sells widgets. bob has the magic do-anything box. bob wants to sell it to alice so she can save labour costs when designing, manufacturing, shipping and selling her widgets. if the magic do-anything box even works, why is bob not already using it to sell widgets and eat alice's absolutely fucking lunch?

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  having eight beers #🍁maxxing

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  woke up feeling like a white female mamdani

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  😘

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  finally got my pr card! i'm officially safe to remain here indefinitely!!!

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  i think it's time we sat down and had a frank talk with each other: "have the day you deserve" doesn't go nearly as hard as people seem to think it does