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  acorn (not interested in corn)

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  comb? oh, you mean my Hair Traffic Controller

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  every day I wake up & roll a d6 to see if one of the cats has coughed anything up on the floor somewhere

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  Sylvester Graham: I've invented these crackers specifically to eradicate lust and sinful inclinations The Devil: now break them in half & put chocolate & a roasted marshmallow in the middle

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  when will the AI fans finally leave me behind?? leave me behind, already! you keep promising

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  dudes will claim to be a "Simple Plan" & then go on to release 6 studio albums, 3 EPs, 20 singles, 2 live albums, AND a video album

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  FOMO is so silly tbh. there's way more cool stuff going on than anyone could even know about, let alone participate in

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  have they done a formal proof for math rock yet or is it an unsolved problem type situation?

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  all lawn power tools look like they belong on a warhammer 40k mini

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  me: how bout I go slip into something more comfortable my DM girlfriend: hmm, give me a Charisma check

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  desk with 5 computers, 7 monitors, and an automobile stick shift (with clutch) that switches the keyboard & mouse input between devices

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  taking my shoes off & throwing them in the lake

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  garlics have succubus energy cause they're dressed in layers of seductive white silk but underneath it all lies a stinky little witch who'll haunt your dreams & drive you mad with longing

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  Us Weekly vs Them Magazine

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  honey came in and she caught me red-handed evolving toward a crablike form picture this: we become crustaceans walking on the ocean floor

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  someone stole both wheels off my bike today at the kc streetcar stop >:|

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  licking envelopes is wild. there should be more stuff you have to lick to use

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  bringing back the 3.5mm audio jack is no longer enough. i expext my next phone to have separate L/R quarter-inch audio outputs

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  a death cab for every cutie

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  the only truly secure method of age verificiation is an 18-year load time

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  fedi inspo influencer: today we're defederating from all the negative energy and stress

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  i die & the lawyers open up my will. it's 734 pages. I've willed each of my fedi posts to a different person

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  bookmobiles are rad but when will the public library finally build a mech

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  I read "This Is How You Lose The Time War" today -- it's nice. Poetically written, emotional, sweet. would have been cool to've gotten to read it when it was originally released encoded into a smattering of errant snowflakes that fell on a frozen pond in wisconsin during a cold spell in 1837

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  a resume is just a dating app bio for jobs

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  mall store called "The Internet" so you can say stuff like 'I got this shirt from The Internet'

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  my theory is that every one-syllable word is a type of fish, we may just not realize it yet

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  every time a fedi poll ends the winner becomes the new president or constitutional amendment or what have you. until the next poll ends

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  just an FYI that after this 4th of July fireworks will not be cool for celebrating things anymore. the next big thing to do on special occasions will be Sitting In A Circle And Talking Quietly Amongst Yourselves

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  in my remake of the X-Files the Smoking Man will eat baby carrots instead of smoking. they will call him "The Baby Carrot Man" except for Mulder, who will call him "Baby Carotene"