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  Young people love it when they say “Six Seven” and you reply by belting out “Five-three-oh-ni-eeee-iiiine!”

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  I’m not telling you that you have to boycott everything. You are allowed to live in the modern world. To have a problematic fave. To not approach every consumer choice like it’s a hill you have to die on. But you can afford to put Harry Potter down.

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  Site: We noticed that you are blocking our ads. Me: That’s right. Site: But that’s how we pay for this content. Will you disable your ad-blocker? Me: No. My ad blocker is how I stop you from spying on me. Site: But we’re not spying on you. Me: Then how do you know I’m blocking your ads?

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  Interviewer: So, let’s set aside this specific role we’re talking about. Tell me about your dream job. Me: My dream job? Ok. So, it’s at a factory, but it turns into my high school. Only I also live there? And Tim Curry is there, only he isn’t Tim Curry, he’s actually my mom. And we’re trying to pack products in boxes, except instead of packing tape, we have to use buttons, like shirt buttons. And then I realize I’m not wearing any pants, and I’m really embarrassed but nobody has noticed yet…

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  October is Cybersecurity Awareness Month, and this year, the National Cybersecurity Alliance’s theme is “Don’t Make It Easy for Them,” reflecting the infosec community’s tireless dedication to making things harder for everyone.

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  [whistling a tune from "Luigi's Mansion" while on hold with UnitedHealth's customer service...]

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  Headline Writer Hit By Subject-Object Confusion, Unable to Tell Who is Responsible for Layoffs and Who They Happened To.

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  What happens when an unstoppable force (Monday morning) meets an immovable object (me in bed)?

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  We have updated our terms of service. Pray we don’t update them any further.

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  Even if you don’t know how to code, there are lots of great ways that you can contribute to open source! Here are a few ideas: 1. Write or translate documentation. 2. Help moderate community spaces. 3. Contribute art and design work. 4. Tell anyone who will listen that Omarchy’s war chest is intended to fund efforts to centralize power in the FOSS space and to reputation-wash extreme rightwing positions. 5. Become a tester.

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  I’m not even asleep anymore because woke.

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  They STARTED weird, you techie pervert.

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  Sorry, Scott. I’m not sending you $25. But I will show you one of the coolest features in Apple’s Messages app.

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  An ant can survive a fall from virtually any height because of its low terminal velocity.

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  Don’t put yourself in my shoes. That’s gross.

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  By not being one of the millions. #SavedYouAClick #AndALotOfFutureTrouble

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  Currently having that always-odd experience of listening to new-to-me music from an era and genre I'm familiar with, musically, but that is completely, utterly new to me. Surreal. Like an artifact from a parallel 1990. (Which I guess it is, in a way.)

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  RE: https://mastodon.social/@heidilifeldman/117311569551375752 This is almost as bad as the Department of Fatherland Security.

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  "Share your location with us!" No. Get your own location.

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  In most states, being mutuals for 7 years is considered a common-law marriage.

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  LL Cool J and I haven’t been on speaking terms since that time in 1996 when I called it a comeback.

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  I have spent far too much time and energy today fighting with people on Mastodon, so from here on out, I am only going to post about uncontroversial things, like all the ways Windows is better than Linux, or how the Fediverse could benefit from advertising.

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  Got somebody in my mentions this morning arguing that a little bit of genocide is ok.

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  Reply guys, please, I’m BEGGING you: learn idioms, metaphors, figures of speech. Learn what they are, learn what they do, and learn to recognize them. Your literality and pedantry is not evidence that you see the world as it truly is, while the rest of us fumble around.

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  Look, I'm not here to defend people who still use Twitter. That's it. That's the toot.

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  RE: https://mastodonapp.uk/@bbcnewsfeed/117285382070283363 I think what rankles me most about the current job market is that we seem to have moved on from "You must work hard if you want to continue to live," to an even darker "You must work hard if you want the opportunity to work hard so you can continue to live."

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  Home surveillance systems with motion detectors that play a recorded greeting telling passersby in the street that they are being recorded are the 21st-century version of a “beware of dog” sign: they do literally nothing to make your home safer while also broadcasting that you are straight-up trash.

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  RE: https://federate.social/@mattblaze/117282407417599431 This man is legitimately an inspiration.