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  A lot of you are (no offence intended) massive fucking nerds, so you may not share this experience. However, in my family, there is a long tradition of passing down complete sets of the Chronicles of Narnia from generation to generation, almost completely unread.

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  What do you picture first when you hear the word “pretzel”?

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  I also think it’s important that Britain takes steps to protect its national security following events at RAF Fairford. My proposal: 1. Chuck the USAF out of RAF Fairford.

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  This ‘90s revival has gone too far.

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  Red Admiral, casting a long shadow. #bugstodon

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  I find it baffling that anyone is listening to Wonderwall in the second quarter of the 21st century. It was even mentioned in a Wizard Of Id comic strip this week. It’s no wonder we have no imagination about making the world a better place.

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  The easiest system to hack is the human heart.

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  Oh my goodness. https://theonion.com/dog-cant-believe-guy-she-hooked-up-with-10-years-ago-now-head-of-fbi/

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  Very dead tree. Pretty though, I thought. Striking, anyway.

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  Every time I’m in a waiting room there are two old ladies shouting their conversation to each other at the top of their voices. Every time. I’m beginning to think they’re paid to be there.

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  Reading an article about scientists using yeast to make protein-rich cookies from plastic waste. Made me think about the foods of the future. Push comes to shove, which of these would you be content to eat to survive, assuming you’re stuck in a bunker or a spaceship etc. Let’s also assume each is in the form of a protein-rich snack which would taste fine, actually.

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  The people who want teens to go outside rather than sitting on their screens all day sound like exactly the type or people who would be very sympathetic to a bunch of kids standing around on the corner of their street vaping, swearing, snogging and fingering each other.

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  #ThickTrunkThursday

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  The whole Piddington Parish Council nonsense does sound like something an unsubtle novelist made up for one of those English state of the nation novels.

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  Congratulations to Ed Sheeran for having made people feel something other than boredom for the first time ever.

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  Open day at a secondary school and this was up in the food science / home economics department…

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  It only plays Babymetal songs.

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  Fedi has a new nemesis and it is, erm, Play School presenter and minor national treasure Floella Benjamin. Baroness Benjamin has introduced a private member’s bill in the House of Lords which would require all “social media platforms”, drafted incredibly broadly, to be licensed by Ofcom. It won’t pass, but still. https://bills.parliament.uk/bills/4285

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  RE: https://mstdn.social/@Nickiquote/117274117043685785 We are in the midst of a moral panic about social media at the moment and politicians and newspapers are crashing about desperately yelling that something must be done. What they should do, to start with, is get themselves off fucking X and Facebook and tell everyone else to do the same. Stop legitimising the worst offenders. It is not acceptable for you to be using a platform bought by a trillionaire fascist expressly to push his own fa...

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  Tonight’s mood.

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  Every election in a European country is: “The polls are open in Ruritania and the Ruritanian Democrats, formerly known as the Ruritanian Hitler-Fanciers, is hoping for its first seats in government. “The ruling coalition led by the Very Sensible Right Party has not ruled out giving key cabinet posts to the Hitler-Fanciers, in order to keep the greater threat of the Very Sensible Left Party at bay. “All major parties on all sides have pledged to make being brown-skinned illegal.”

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  *Bags* of Pringles? Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?

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  Old man yells at Claude.

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  If you look at things with sufficient perspective, the idea of ever getting out of bed and doing stuff is ludicrous.

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  Found this thing I made ages ago.

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  Photos from this evening’s walk.

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  Well, I like it.

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  My last birthday present to myself is this shiny thing, which just arrived in the post from Blackwells. It’s sold out in a lot of places.

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  Reminds me of when ex-Radio 1 DJ, #TOTP and Saturday Superstore presenter released “UKIP Calypso”, sung in a cod Jamaican accent. https://youtu.be/Br_RhjvZIrU

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  A big red-tailed bumblebee. I don’t see so many of these around here. #bees