For like the past eight years, "suicidal" has been my baseline. If you were to offer me a lethal poison pill, I would always be "hell yeah thank you" and the only difference between days would be whether I'd instantly swallow it, or save it for until I have done a little celebration of it being the last day of having to endure this life in a body of the wrong gender and species on a world full of evil, greedy and hateful people who are in power over me and everyone else.