I envy people who had a healthy, good relationship with their parents or step-parents because there's a worn path on how to grieve and respond when death inevitably comes. Now I'm here going "okay, the circle of care means that my dad gets support and doesn't need to deal with me working my shit out but no one else in my life knew what my relationship with her was like and this is going to be complicated." I guess the good thing is that no one is expecting me to sort out how I feel right now. I'm generally okay, no one needs to be concerned for me. I'm just going to be in autistic processing mode for a few days.