← Feed

Posts

• View post

  people don’t actually like the taste of beer, right? they just pretend they do when they’re around friends?

• View post

  went to buy a new bike because my old one's handlebar snapped (tbf it was a piece of shit i bought on craigslist to get around). i went in person to a small, independent store. the guy running it turned out to be serbian, and after he learned i was russian, he said: "you know, i tuned up this bike for this guy. new sprocket, chain, handlebars, tires, everything; and before he could collect it, he moved to texas and now he's trying to sell this bike on consignment. but he's an an...

• View post

  i have been completely buck broken by my cats. i can’t leave even a cup of water unattended because the little shits will either drink from it or knock it over. so i have to carry my water with me when i go to the bathroom. so humiliating

• View post

  if you’re not masturbating with me, i have to assume that you’re masturbating against me

• View post

  "and you were right to push back against that" how about i push my dick against yours, claude. how about that

• View post

  kicking my legs in bed because im so excited i get to ride the train this weekend

• View post

  the morning meeting that always gets moved won't be moved tomorrow, so i actually have to get up on time :disintegrate:

• View post

  went to a hypnosis club meeting. it was mostly female psychology students talking about the clinical applications. not even a single pervert. what the FUCK

• View post

  gonna tell my kids this is the green card

• View post

  i like that mariadb says bye when you exit

• View post

• View post

  @cell@shitposter.world aged gracefully into a cat man. still would

• View post

  guy working at subway told me to google the f-650 and said it was the coolest vehicle ever and that i'd immediately want one as soon as i saw it. when i wasn't floored he said "i thought you drove up in your mom's car, does it actually, like, move?" just make my sandwich bro im not in the mood for ts 😭

• View post

  flex (they approve anyone, this isn't special)

• View post

  making a list of things i saw and did in dc to tell my parents about and conveniently leaving out the part where i got manhandled and violated

• View post

  im very happy with myself now that i have to wear a belt again, but it is super annoying that i didn't bring one with me on this trip and i have to hold my cargo shorts up manually smh

• View post

  prettyboy reservoir just a week away. woohoo! i am so excited about this information

• View post

  i so hope count binface wins against farage, it'll be the best timeline

• View post

  accidentally revealed my power level not once not twice but 3 times at work today and i think the intern is scared of me now

• View post

  happy 6.7 day!

• View post

  claude, fuck my husband. make no mistakes

• View post

  be the reason your support call is escalated

• View post

  brain, brain, go away don't come back another day

• View post

  heat stroke? you gotta start using lube man

• View post

  turns out $10 sunglasses are more than twice as good as $5 sunglasses. and i don't look like a methhead anymore!

• View post

• View post

  behold, the kansas temporary driver's license. the most ridiculous identification document i have ever been issued in my entire life. you really have to see it to believe it. it's printed on honest-to-god 0.5 ply receipt paper and looks FAKE as FUCK. every time i have pulled it out at a bar, i have either been laughed at or flat out refused service. they don't even bother to stamp it, apparently it saying "KANSAS DL" is supposed to inspire enough confidence that it's re...

• View post

  cowboys!

• View post

  cc @Flanker@decayable.ink

• View post

  ok but scientifically. feet smell differently than other body parts. like they have their own smell bro. dude you have to take your feet out and let me sniff them, so i can compare if they smell different to anything else. it's like for science bro. it's an empirical study. you're my peer and i gotta review you bro