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  It’s always Caturday really

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  Born on this day: Serena Williams is an American professional tennis player who revolutionized the sport. She won 23 Grand Slam singles titles, the most in the Open Era, and held the world No. 1 ranking for 319 weeks.

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  Born on this day: Jason Alexander, American actor, comedian, and director best known for portraying George Costanza on Seinfeld. His sharp timing, neurotic charm, and Broadway roots made him a defining figure in 1990s television and stage comedy.

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  Born on this day: Sophia Loren, the iconic Italian actress whose magnetic presence, Oscar‑winning talent, and timeless elegance made her a global symbol of cinematic glamour. Rising from postwar hardship, she built a legendary career defined by strength, beauty, and unforgettable screen charisma.

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  Oh shit look what was in my drafts folder 🙄

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  Getting Mitch ready for his big return to senate

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  I hereby declare that Omaha, the most populous city in the great state of Nebraska, will henceforth be known as ‘Obamaha’. Thank you for your attention to this matter!

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  If you go see Spider-Man Brand New Day, a super fun thing to do is every time Tom Holland is on screen, whisper to the person next to you ‘that’s Stan Lee’

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  work *we are open to new ways of doing everything, there are no bad ideas* me: presents an idea 🥹 work: *that’s a bad idea and we’d never do that what are you even thinking this isn’t a daycare take your insane ramblings back to wherever you came from and just do things the way the always do* 😡

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  Born on this day: Louis Armstrong, the legendary trumpeter whose gravel‑rich voice reshaped American music. A pioneer of jazz, he blended virtuosic horn playing with charismatic singing, creating timeless recordings that influenced generations and defined the sound of 20th‑century popular culture.

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  Born on this day: Tom Brady, legendary NFL quarterback known for his unmatched leadership, precision passing, and seven Super Bowl victories. His relentless discipline and competitive spirit redefined excellence, inspiring generations of athletes and fans across two decades of deflated football.

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  Me, waiting for the Teams meeting to start when I have the wrong link

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  First day at the new gig so I’m wearing animal socks 🧦

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  Ok I’ll bite what’s a PowerPoint?

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  Put this on my work laptop so they know I’m for real

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  Ever panic download an album before you get on a plane?

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  ‘Hello sharks. It’s an app that’s a Shazam for the movie the person is watching in the plane three rows away from you’

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  Happy 4th! 🇺🇸 🪓

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  Good effort from everyone this year but I’ve won again!

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  Forget everything you know about memory loss

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  I was wondering what the lil plaque was for but apparently its a historic site where one day in 1991 Bono pissed off The Edge

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  Look, all I’m saying is if there’s a bag of what looks like pistachios on the couch in your house, don’t just pick them up and eat some without reading the bag first. They might be cat treats. I’m not saying it happened to me, but I’m also not saying it didn’t

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  Best scene from the bible hands downs 🙏🏾 *I know you all probably think it’s real but it was made with AI

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  I got laid off on Monday. They offered me 5 weeks severance after 8 1/2 years. I was given 24 hours to bring in my laptop, and 48 hours to sign the severance agreement or risk getting just two weeks (illegal). I wrote answered with what I’d like as far as severance goes (much more) what the law stipulates, and didn’t sign of course. They wrote me back very sweetly with an 8 week offer, but I’m countering with more. We’ll see what happens next

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  me: hey I lost my job this week. Can you write me an obituary for LinkedIn? them: an obituary? me: sorry, ‘recommendation’

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  🤔

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  What should I spend my time on these days? 🤔

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  #BREAKING I have been appointed CEO of Air Canada 👨🏾‍✈️

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  Kick flip it is! https://mastodon.online/@patrickworld/116314913260178217

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  I think it’s funny when someone says ‘this stuff’s like crack cocaine’. I always wanna say ‘yeah, I’ve done tons of crack cocaine and this Chicago Mix popcorn is hitting all the same notes’