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  Petition to rename Uranus to Uramerica

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  Wow!

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  How we doing out there today? I’m like a 2, maybe a 9…

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  Rub it in, rub it in, rub it…iiiiiiiinnn!

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  Invest in our children, they are our future!

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  _sings loudly_

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  In solidarity with my GenX brethren, with added falling on my ass at work

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  Guess who just got back today!

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  Lived in a little shit town where everyone was in your business, coupled with a nanny ass school principal who felt is was his duty to society to parent every kid in the school himself.

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  I already calibrated myself this morning, but I’ll never say no to a bonus calibration. Makes the work day go a little quicker. You know how it is.

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  Ah shit. Sorry, I was stabbing someone. Guess I don’t get that coffee. 😔

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  There’s one two blocks from my house. I go there a lot. It’s falling apart and it’s run by some really sketchy looking people who are always super nice to me. I hope it stays in business forever.

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  Dethroned by Bad Omens That song drew me into their other music, which I liked, but just wasn’t on the same level. Artificial Suicide comes closest but still doesn’t go as hard as Dethroned.

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  Footloose reboot just dropped!

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  Except what they teach you in engineering school, apparently.

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  This video would have you believe there are time traveling despots lurking on every street corner. Sorry but I’m not ruining my car’s finish on the off chance that might be Pinochet walking out of that Five Guys. The Chilean citizenry will just have to solve their own problem once more.

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  You know what I think, Terrence?

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  Woah woah woah woah….hold the fuck up. Are you telling me that hipsters aren’t part of a hip?

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  Mountains hate this one simple trick!

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  I thought shitposting at work _increased_ my value.

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  Soooo…. There gonna be a sequel?

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  Now now, we don’t body shame.

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  The White House, ten minutes later… 

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  I was honestly trying to accomplish the opposite, but you’re welcome anyway.

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  Um, guys? What if the color I’m seeing isn’t on this chart?

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  There’s at least another 700 years of use left in that pan.