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  Relax. Everything will be fine. Not for you, of course. But somewhere, things are fine for somebody

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  Most of you are fine, a few of you are great, and one of you is the Killer

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  Self care is so important. Can somebody else do it for me

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  All the tasks are done. Time to flatten myself on a rectangle

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  This is the last straw. All straw manufacturers have shut down for some reason

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  I’m in my era era. What a time for times

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  I will never log “off” or become more “normal” or eat “less cheese”

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  Every night I worry about 258 things, none of which happen, thanks to my preventive worrying

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  You can lead a horse to water, but it won’t be impressed. Horses know about water

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  If you're going to make me choose between our friendship and my love of abruptly ending interviews, this interview is OVER

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  Felt like crap. Drank a glass of water and feel so much better. Infuriating that this works

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  Some of us are simply too cool to go to bed

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  My imposter syndrome says I’m lying about having it

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  The next 30 years will probably be super chill

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  Which awful person/institution deserves my witty yet stinging rebuke tonight

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  Fans of the weekend demand it be extended across the entire week

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  CASHIER: Is there anything else? ME [whispering]: There’s a whole world out there

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  If you’re happy and you know it, keep that information private, weirdo

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  Coping about the things I can’t change, seething about the things I can

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  I prefer a Milk Hotel that isn't afraid to take sides

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  The jerk store called, just to gloat. They're having a great decade

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  Guess it's just one of those days/weeks/months/years/lives

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  Going to bed soon, just need to do everything else possible first, and also space out for awhile

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  The enemy of my enemy is actually also pretty annoying

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  Why do I always have to be in charge of me

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  “Things will probably be normal again soon!” he thought hopefully as decades passed

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  Love yourself the way you love all the other fun things that are bad for you

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  If I could be invisible sometimes, I'd mainly use it to mess with cats

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  I’m sleepy, but sure, I could go for several more hours of spiraling thoughts

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  A good werewolf is hard to find. So is a bad werewolf. Werewolves are hard to find