← Feed

Posts

• View post

  Happy Slayyyter day to all those who participate.

• View post

  Don't put off until tomorrow that which can be done hastily and shoved under the bed.

• View post

  The signage at the sawmill had gotten more vivacious ever since Maurice took over the safety standards department... "Remember remember, you can get dismembered."

• View post

  I have no grapes and I must jelly.

• View post

  Surely next week I’ll finally catch up on all the everything I’ve been trying to catch up on since 2015. 100%. Yes. Yea. 😬 It’s Easter?!

• View post

  Moon cake? Is there moon cake yet?!

• View post

  Remake of "My Dinner with Andre" in 2026 but it's just two people staring into the middle distance in a 7-11 parking lot at 3am.

• View post

  Fudge the whole thing! Fudge it! This has been a promotional toot brought to you by the Fudge™ council.

• View post

  Maybe every day should be Earth day?

• View post

  Forgetting why you walked into a room is so passé. You should start by forgetting why you’re in someone else’s apartment. If nothing else it’ll help your lawyer later on. (This toot is for entertainment purposes only.)

• View post

  There’s gotta be a cure for constant relentless bullcrap induced ennui that isn’t opium! Gahhhh! I’m gonna run outta opium!!!

• View post

  Sometimes the soup is too soup-y.

• View post

  Welcome to the post-chocolate zone! Have you made the sensible choice? Probably not, that's why you're in the post-chocolate zone, idiot.

• View post

  You can put the lime into the coconut but you can't shake 'em both up. Not in your condition. You'll have to just seal it well, and then drop it on the floor a few times. Do you have any rum?

• View post

  @LoganFive@beige.party You don’t “go” viral. We’re all a little viral here. 🤪

• View post

  @macstories@mastodon.macstories.net 🫡 🎺

• View post

  "We now return you to three hours of taco eating."

• View post

  Some of these have to be from that cartoon we were almost gonna do that one time. This is too much evidence.... "Doctor Ham Hands"

• View post

  Get fudged! verb 1. To go and get yourself a hot fudge sundae chum. You've earned it!

• View post

  Like most things it’s looking like manually editing a txt or html or markdown file is probably just the easiest/best thing to use for a thing. Same as it ever was. 🤪

• View post

  I simply must cancel my subscription for getting punched in the sternum once a month. 🎩 🧐

• View post

  The ginger ale hit different when your head's about to explode. Woooooo!

• View post

  "Eat shit!", I wailed in desperate pleading joy to everyone as they gathered around for the feast at the daily Shit Eating Festival.

• View post

  Our art is gonna have to get ever weirder and quirkier folks! 200% weirder? Hell no! 6 bajillion % weirder!!!!!!!

• View post

  Does this count as knowing when to fold ‘em? Or is this knowing when you’re sick of trying to fold ‘em? I don’t know how poker works. #Notebook

• View post

  “How much jam is too much jam?”, I ask, as I slowly sink into the jam.

• View post

  Is running out of dishwasher detergent the ultimate modern day example of being between a rock and a hard place? Because now the question becomes; do I wash the dishes by hand (bad) OR do I go to the store to get more dishwasher vitamins to satiate the dishwasher demon so the dishwasher can (outside)? More black coffee and liquor will present the solution. Surely we're not out of those als- FUCK!

• View post

  Who needs a funky puppet related pick-me-up? https://link.infini.fr/u-7VVEq5 #AesopRock

• View post

  @Edmonds_Scanner@universeodon.com So I’m doubly dead inside?

• View post

  Barging into rooms, proudly declaring “And I as well!”, until someone gives me a trinket.