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  If I were a conman promising product improvements at break neck speed, and I knew I couldn’t deliver on that promise, I’d say the product was improving so fast that I had to slow down on the improvements “for safety reasons”. Just saying, if I was a conman that’s what I’d do. 🤷 #AI

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  I ruined our dinner because I forgot to add that 1 bay leaf the recipe calls for, said no one ever. #nerlingersjokes #bayleavesareBS

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  I was testing my new AI model and asked it to solve Pi. It escaped my sandbox, hacked into Martha Stewart’s personal cookbook, and invented a brand new recipe for a gluten free crust! And the thing is, I didn’t tell it to do any of that. It did it all by itself! Amazing!

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  We received a ransom demand from kidnappers with a video attached. I’m not sure if it’s a scam or not because everyone in the family that has seen the video said it really looks like me. #nerlingersjokes

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  I was up at 7 to let some cool fresh air in the house. The #dogs got up with me. It’s now 9:45 and the dogs’ batteries are down to 10%. It’s for them to recharge with a nap until 3:30 😂

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  We should have seen this explosive diarrhea epidemic coming when Trump won the election, because there were signs

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  Yesterday was the first day of school for the kids. My kid said the chemistry teacher made potassium explode. That teacher knows how to get the attention of those kids on the first day! 😂. I don’t think he’ll be able to make something else explode every class for the rest of the year though.

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  I felt down today when I opened my closet and discovered my puffer jacket was ripped open. FELT….. DOWN, ladies and gentlemen 🤨 #puns #nerlingersjokes

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  Schitt’s Sleep #SleepyTVShows #HashTagGames

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  I Heard It Through The Party Line #1960sLifeASongOrPoem #HashTagGames

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  BREAKING - OpenAI announces their new AI model that autonomously commits crimes will be running for President in 2028

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  So there’s a huge plume of smoke to the west of us spread across the sky from some wildfire. You’d think there’d be an app or web page that would show which fire the plume is coming from. Nope. I tried everything I know 👎 AirNow Aircgis Accuweather Cal fire Wildfiretrackers Watch Duty

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  Just imagine the taxpayer bailout that’s going to be needed to assure none of the billionaires lose any money on this AI boondoggle. By the time it’s over, learning mandarin will be required in all our schools

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  With all this talk about fixed elections, they must be planning something really big to fix the midterms. Every accusation is a confession

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  I hope Trump gives us those promised DOGE refund checks soon, from all that money Elon Musk saved us, because I need it to pay for my explosive diarrhea medication #cyclosporiasis

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  Anyone that has been sickened by #cyclosporiasis and is experiencing explosive diarrhea as a result of Elon Musk’s gutting of the FDA, be sure to visit your local Tesla dealership for a test drive

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  BREAKING - US Department of Justice to bring terrorism charge against anyone that says “it’s too hot”

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  The Median Gatsby

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  From Here to What Seemed Like Eternity #LongDayMovies #HashTagGames

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  Let’s say you ate an early breakfast, then ate your next meal midway between lunch and dinner. What would you call this meal? #poll

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  Housewives of Hog Holler #HillBillyTVShows #HashTagGames

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  Unlike other instances, on Beige.party there are only 4 levels to achieve before reaching immortality

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  Now that we’ve tipped the climate into a never ending spiral of rising temperatures, what can we invent to use up all their fresh water, so we can wipe out the humans and take over their planet? - Alien Lizard People probably

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  BREAKING - SCOTUS has ruled that anyone born in the USA is a US citizen, which means that right wing justices can read after all.

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  Hear me out, a cell phone that you wear like a glove. You’ll never lose it because you don’t put it down, you’ll never drop it because it’s on your hand not in it, and when you use the phone you do that thumb in your ear and talk into your pinky, phone shape with your hand 🤙 #nerlingersjokes

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  @MissingThePt@mastodon.social What are the weather conditions?

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  @carnage4life@mas.to Eliminate employees with AI and jack up prices, it will be Dow 100,000 before we know it! 👍

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  @FatsGordo@jorts.horse

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  Fun Fact - Every construction company that built unaffordable housing has gone bankrupt

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  The Great Catsby #OnPetsReadingList #HashTagGames