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  Coast Guard is no longer an acceptable branch of the military https://www.timesunion.com/hudsonvalley/news/article/clearwater-sailboat-ejected-parade-of-ships-22332515.php

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  This dude is so chill I hope he hasn't gotten into the kratom

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  Been trying to figure out for a month why I like having bangs so much, having completely forgotten that I thought Anjelica Huston in "The Witches" was the most beautiful woman in the world when I was eight

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  Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988) The Witches (1990) The Addams Family (1991) No wonder I turned out this way

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  Based on a conversation I had yesterday

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  I think my Star Wars was The Young Ones

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  Walking up to a straight couple like "Which one of you is the dessicant and which one is the humectant"

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  Joke's on the woman who decided to use every washing machine in the apartment building; if you'd waited literally one minute you wouldn't have to have pulled my permanently stained reusable menstrual pads from the machine

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  I bet an amaretto with just a little bit of arsenic in it would taste fucking great

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  Stuff I saw at the dollar store yesterday, cultural anthropologists take note

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  When did everything become six dollars

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  Tabling on a college campus like "since when can babies grow beards"