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  > need anything from the shop? > oh yeah, I've actually been needing... well, you know how if a dinosaur were a necromancer? > oh yeah yeah i gotchu. do u want the regular size or > six feet? > six feet yeah

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  The alarm bells that went off in my head when I read this in a Robert Louis Stevenson novel

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  What idiot named the duo Simon & Garfunkel and not Paul Art: Mall Cop 2

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  Had this tender spot on my temple and was like "damn must be one of those deep-rooted pimples you can't see" Forgot that in the middle of the night I managed to eat shit while in the safe confines of my bed by bashing my head against the end table while rolling over

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  I ain't sayin she a woim digger

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  Stop saying "bone dry" bones are wet they're always wet they've got your goop on them always until you die and then for a long time after that and then you put them in a soup and they're wet again and

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  What's the most extreme gap between an artist's best and worst album that you know? I'm listening to Mardi Gras by CCR right now and it's gotta be a top conteder

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  hell is putting a bra on at 7:30 in the morning to be available for an appointment with someone who had an entire five hour window to hit and couldn't even do that

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  Sure Ryan Gosling's pretty good at acting but imo he peaked at making somber/spooky ghost music https://youtu.be/WfRMjiVoaQ8

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  once my mycelium network finds out about this it's over for you losers

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  "Everything is idealised on social media" not true. I regularly have mental breakdowns on the tl, get on my level babes 💅💁🤳

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  People only ever say "it's like a Hitchcock film" when there's a lot of birds around, but not when someone is being a nosy neighbor or is really dizzy

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  Returned to the scene of the crime after SLURPING my SOUP 😤😤😤

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  (Sean Connery voice) We named the *horse* Jortsiana