Had a realization yesterday. For me, the spoons or the lack of thereof are not necessarily related to being tired. It's about things being too much. I currently have much on my plate. A relative (not blood-related) has a terminal stage of a sickness. It puts a strain on my spouse and me. I worry about other people it affects and will affect. I know it will put more strain on my spouse. There's much going on at work. Nothing negative, just much. But as I struggle to do all of them, things have started to pile up. What led to my realization was this: As I came back from a walk with our two dogs I had had enough. One of them is still a puppy so there was lots of hassle. At home there were all these dog toys on the living room floor. I had to collect them all, repeating "too much" out aloud. The dogs played loudly. I had to go outside as that was too much. Having dishes on the counter and not in the dishwasher is too much. This morning someone's fragrance in a bus was too much. I'm not tired but with low spoons many things are suddenly too much. It's not that I don't have strength to do things. It's that I don't want to or don't have capacity to. #ActuallyAutistic @autistics@fedigroups.social