Post #1668217 · Elektrine

2026-04-24 09:55 UTC

Our Tinder experiences must have been very different. Yes, men are competing in theory, but no more so than in real life. And the app literally _puts you in contention_ with them. The other thing is, if you’ve decided that it is in fact a competition, then the thing to remember is that those other people are also competing with _you_. Just don’t consider them, they’re not relevant to you. My girlfriend had 80+ matches when I started talking to her. I had 3. And yet here we are. I’ve no doubt it was the same for the other women I met on there. Dating on apps is the same as dating in real life. If you’re genuinely searching for someone, you need to get yourself noticed and be the best that you can be. The basics are equally important in both worlds. Be a good person, make people laugh, be interesting, be interested in them, don’t immediately be a thirsty prick, exercise, feel good about yourself, etc, etc.

Replies (2)

@reksas@sopuli.xyz 2026-04-24 10:31

Every day i had it installed i cursed that i had to even use the application, it just made me feel miserable and that i'm just cattle for the corporation, not human being searching for another. It constantly trys to hook you into spending money and reminds you that you might be missing out if you dont with the blurred profiles of people that have liked you, which are always someone from hundreds of km away anyway or bots, but they might not be also. And there is also that I'm neurodivergent, so it also filters me out from majority of other people > others just think fundamendally differently than me. And only people that match with me are people i'm not necessarily that interested in but would be willing to at least get to know them, but that isnt very good starting point for finding a girlfriend. I know i would have at least something to offer to others, but i'm not that good at expressing myself so I wont be given a chance or will get misunderstood because i can't express myself in right way. Mere existence of dating applications kind of make me anxious, since it means other people will be using those instead of being open outside of them. I dont want to even use them, but i feel that i'm forced to if i want to meet people that are looking for anything. I have also used other applications too, like badoo, hinge and even okcupid. While on tinder you get more matches than on those others, people seem to be less interested in actually talking with you.

Open ##1668218
@cecilkorik@lemmy.ca 2026-04-24 14:15

> My girlfriend had 80+ matches when I started talking to her. I had 3. And yet here we are. That math ain't mathing, bud. You ever wonder what's going on with the 77 other women you didn't match with? Or are we supposed to believe they somehow never actually existed? Are hospitals lying about the number of girls born into the world? Are 90% of girls dying as children? Do women have lower standards for relationships? Is there one guy out there engaged in polygamy with all 77 women? Or are they all ugly and don't deserve love? Conversely, why did your girlfriend have to go through 80+ guys to get to you? Dating apps are incel factories. They have no incentive to actually match you with a mate at all, much less a soulmate. The fact that you did anyway is actually a failure-to-profit on their part, and you have successfully defied their business model and found love despite their efforts. Good for you. Good for you doesn't imply good for everyone though, nor good for society. They are toxic hellholes, and I stand by my assertion that they are what broke dating (for *almost* everyone, genuinely glad they didn't get you, enjoy your life of never having to use a dating app again)

Open ##1668219