being an alpha male is easy. step 1: eat a high protein diet, ideally consisting primarily of room temperature salmon stew liberally interspersed with dry cereal. step 2: blink slowly at the people around you to establish dominance. step 3: cultivate a highly sensitive moustache which gives you the power to sense air currents. step 4: get your balls chopped off. step 5: vibrate your hyoid bone