My poison was available for dirt cheap & it was much easier to keep scoring dope than it was to wrestle with my demons. I told myself that I had to keep using so that I didn't subject my family & friends to the turmoil of quitting. Every time I had tried, I suffered psychotic symptoms & I damaged my relationships terribly. I told myself at the time that I would simply die an addict & that seemed better than a violent & impossible recovery. Today I'm 2½ years sober & things are much better. 🩷